Tis the Season to be

Feeling extremely unhealthy and like you gorged on everything. Haha, well I don't feel that bad actually. Christmas eve was good fun. We just went out and about in and around Sydney but in order to ring people at home it was necessary to stay up till four thirty. Sincere apologies for any garbled messages that may have ben received at this time. And what else would an Englishman in Oz do on Christmas day? Well go to bondi of course. Yes the day was spent lazing on the beach with an eski full of cold ones taking the ocassional dip in the sea when it got too hot (and man was it hot!). I managed to sustain an injury by diving into the sea thinking it was deeper than it was so I now have a dumb looking sand graze on my head. Oh yeah, and me and Scot the Scot got chased out of the water by a shark. No shit! Well, we didn't see it but the shark siren was going off. Perhaps it was a clever ploy to remove all the drunken people form the sea in the most effective manner. Whatever, it worked. Never moved so quickly through water.

The last couple of days have been very quite. Just been to the cinema and last night found the worst club in Sydney. If you're out here of ever planning to visit, never, repeat NEVER go to the Silva club. For those of you familiar with Horny in the cellar at manc, yes it's unbelievable but we found the Oz equivalent last night. Needless to say it was quite an early one.

As with most big cities, I'm now beginning to tire of Sydney. I don't know if it's because I've got the attention span of a goldfish or just because I don't generally like cities that much but on the second I'll hopefully be heading for the blue mountains for a few days until the 5th. Plenty of hiking and views and the good old nature. Can't wait. Then on the fifth it's a day at the test match. Then after that somewhere else until the 11th when the one day cricket shall be watched. Preliminary plan after that is to go south. Haha, not much of a plan but so what.

Personals

Phil hope you and H had a corker and that New Year is cool too. Can't wait to see the back of this year. Any recommendations of where to go south of Sydney?

Con hope you and Clare had a brill Crimble too. Give my love to everyone over there and you two have a great New year too.

Everyone, the comments are working again so do your worst!

Ma, hope you and Doug had a great time in darkest Africa (you explorers you!) and that your New Year is the best ever.

Love to everyone back home and if I've missed any one out court marshall me when I get back.

P.S. I have to say that having a Mc Donalds for Christmas dinner was a touch odd.

A hey hey hey

And a very merry christmas to everyone. I apologise if I've missed anyone with my Christmas group mailing but I'm in between accounts at the moment and it's a little confusing. Speaking of confusion, you should try being in 30 deree sunshine over Christmas. It's bloody weird. Haha, you have to pity all the father Christmasses walking around town too. Extra belly and christmas costume in theis heat? No thanks. HAving a few poskets of mates out here in Sydney too it's going to be a strange one. I'd love to see everybody but it's going to be hard getting to do that. Sod it. I might try it anyway and just bounce from group to group. Haha, whatever happens I'm definitely going to the beach at some stage. I reckon that's the way to do it rather than freezing yer tits off in the British winter.

Only problem with being out and about is a lack of giftage. Not to worry though, I think Katy and Ffi are getting me something so I've returned the favour. Christmas shopping in the midday sun is very uncomfortable but I got it done in my usual speedy time of around half an hour. Genius.

Right then you lot. Seeing as how it's Christmas what the hell are you doing on the net? Log off now and have a beer on me.

Evening all evening all. Erm, well afternoon. Errrrr, actually I don't know what time it might be where you all are. Regardless, just did a check of the old revolicktion and all is not well. Comments seem to be down, yet again. Not my fault but just use the forum for any messages (it's at the top near the photos link etc). Well, did a wee bit of shopping today and bought a guitar. Bit of an impulse buy but I wa missing playing too much. God knows how I'll transport it around but if it becomes too much of a pain I can always sell it on. Oh yeah, Saddam isn't really caught. As Scaryduck pointed out, it's actually a Scottish alcoholic they've got instead called Jimmy. I believe tey found him outside Threshers.

Just had a poisoned pen e-mail from a lady I happen to know berrating me for not mentioning the capture of Monsieur Hussein on my blog. To rectify the situation I'd like to say that he has indeed been captured (or maybe one of his doubles has).

After all that serious crack we need a bit of light relief:

Maddas (Saddam) and George Bush walk into a bar. They've got nothing to talk about because neither has heard any jokes about Maddas' capture. NEITHER have I!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, send me jokes now!

Quick note to the current South African contingent... send us a mail or a comment or something to let me know how you are. I'll text you tonight with my new Oz number. Oh aye, anyone else who wants that then just mail me with your nu,ber and I'll text it to you.

Alrighty righty peeps. How are you all? Well I hope. Not written on here for bloody ages as I am officially a slack bastard (well according to Andy anyway). For those of you intelligent people that have started using my yahoo address (due to the fact that hotmail is a bag of zan) congratulations. If at any point you start getting an overpowering sense of deja vu it's because you've already had the bulk of this message in group mail. Admit it, who's short term memory's worse than mine? So on with what I've benn doing:

I'm in a bit of a lull at the moment, just waiting for Katy to arrive in Sydney. She's somewhere north at the moment but I can't be bothered to move around much just now so I'll wait until after crimble I reckon.

I've been in Coogee for a bit before returning to Sydney. Pretty mental place. The beach was just across the road from the hostel too. Got the feeling the place was a bit of a trap too as some people had been staying there for three months plus (never a good sign). As a result of many long term residences it was actually pretty cliquey and although the bars there were good there was only really two of them. Haha, these folk had been to the same two places for three months! Very bizarre and despite the draw of the beach the place didn't entertain me for that long. Well, not entirely true but seeing as how I'm back over there for new year I didn't want to take a Coogee OD (if you know what I mean).
One thing I have discovered whilst at Coogee is that the sun is a proper viscious bastard over here. My shoulders are killing me despite factorage of 16 reapplied regularly and an abundance of EUV ('ey up vera... aloe vera). So I'm avoiding the sun at the moment. Been out and bought ridiculously high SPF factorage today (30!) which should keep my shoulders safe for the time being.

I'm staying in the YHA now in Sidders. It's pretty pricey and massive, but satisfactory as you can just hang about there quite happily. Andy's working this week and Alex is trying to sort us out some cricket tickets (sticky wicket... Boycott, come back). Looks like saturdays sold out but apparently she knows a mate of Gillespie's. Whether or not we end up going remains to be seen. Think OG original Guardy got here today too. It's like a bloody school reunion at the moment.

Might be orf to a show at the opera house in the next couple of days and shall be visiting my namesake's hotel tomoz in full tourist mode with camera and all. Haha, could end up being my own version of a Gorman mission this trip.

Anyways, I'm off to... errrr... sign off. See you all laters.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeew

Haha, sorry. I've picked up an annoying habit of shouting that anywhere and everywhere I am. I'll have to stem it though or I might get laced by someone. Highly unlikely though as all the folk over here are too nice. Suppose I'd better get on with telling you whaat I've been up to for the past few days. Okay then.

Seal Rocks

Is about three hours north of Sydney and that's where the surf school was. There were nine of us on the trip, all a good laugh. The place we stayed at was...

Bugger that, I can't be bothered to describe it too much. It was good. That's all you need to know. Pictures will be ensuing but not just yet (for some reason none of the comps in here have cd drives.... useless) So surf school was 2 days long. It's just like riding a bike. No probs at all getting back into it, apart from the fact that I am weak. My arms stopped working half way through the first days and I'm now in agony. Chucked my back out too but that's all the fun of the fair. Industrial scale mozzies have had their Ollcake and eaten too.

Got back

On Friday evening and arranged to go out for a beer with one of the lads from the surfing trip. I also got in touh with an old school mate (Alex Stiff) who I haven't seen for 6 years. So I got to the bar half expecting to be stood up as I was a bit late and no one was there yet. So I asked a group if I could nick one of their chairs. They gave me one then came over and told me to join them whilst waiting for my mates to turn up. How ridiculously nice of them. Anyway, Eddy ad Alex rocked up eventually. Had a class night with them two and only got in in the wee hours this morning. Bloody knackered (and still sore) today so I reckon I might have to go sit in the spa for a while. Mark's (Scottish lad in the flat) birthday is on Monday so its another night out tonight. Phew, I'll be half dead tomorrow. Quiet week ahead though before Katy gets here. Oooh, and loads of cricket on to be watched religiously (if only it'd stop pissing it down! Yes that's right, I'm moaning about the weather again but honestly, a thunder storm every gray day? What's going on?)

So the pictures will be up soon of me goofing about on a surf board... betcha can't wait hey?

Made it

Indeed I have. I'm now in (not so ) sunny Sydney. I've met up with Glanners and I'm kipping at his place for the time being. Good news for andy is that he might have a job starting on the 11th so if he does get that I'll leg it and probably go find Katy and Fi. Hostel is booked for the 20th to the 29th (crimble) and I think KAty's booked us in to a place in Coogee for New year (well done that lass).

My bag arrived today having been left in Singapore (muppets). Andy got woken up at half 6 this morning by the courier as I'd given them his phone number. Haha! And the kindly gent even went downstairs and picked it up for me. Int that good of him.

Jet lag has taken on a whole new meaning. My body clock's absolutely ruined but I guess it'll be alright soon enough.

oooh it's cold and it's dark most of the time and it's altogether not the best time of year to be in England. Hmm, how to solve this problem? I know, I'll leg it to Australia. Yes that's right folks, I can't stand another British winter and why should I when an Australian summer is only on the other side of the world?

So tomorrow I fly to Oz. Marvellous. I must apologise to those of you that know me if I've been a little rubbish (well totally rubbish actually) at getting to see everyone before I go to say proper goodbyes. I know it's a terrible excuse but I have been really really busy sorting out affairs before I leave.

As for the blog, well I suppose it will morph back into the travel journal thingy of old. Many of you may wish to unsubscribe as tales of sun sea and sand may well make your winter here less bearable than it would've been. Be happy for me though. It's not all roses anyway, the flight's really long! I'll blog next when in Sydney. Ciao for now!

Not that I'm xenophobic

But our american cousins can be quite daft can't they? Slightly old news that our waistband challenged cousins have been getting up to silly yanctics concerning law suits and a certain Scottish restaurant. Personally I'm not adverse to munching on the highly unhealthy products of Ronalds' boys but I am also not unfamiliar with PMT*.

Our American friends must have experienced PMT on more than one occasion, although looking at the average volume of the US belly this could have taken a very long time. So their law suits have prompted a change in the marketing plan of the fast food giant. Let's be heathy, lets go to Mcdonalds. Doesn't sound right does it? Neither does, "I'll have a and a pasta salad please."

It appears to me that fast food is fast food. It is an indulgence but not sustenance. If people are stupid enough to eat it all the time then that's their fault but really, suing them? Idiocy. Still this outbreak of greed (monetary not gastric) could have had an unintentional knock on effect. A scared marketing team at McDonalds are pushing the healthy stuff. Great idea, but no one's eating it. Carry on at this rate and we might see the collapse of the Golden Arches.

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*PMT = post McDonalds trauma. A direct result of taking an American appetite to a British belly

Word on the street, or more truthfully in the kitchen, has it that the subscription service has once again gone down. It does have a really annoying habit of doing that, but after a bit of jiggery pokery, I think I've sorted it. So yes, once again you can be innundated with your little bloglet mails alerting you to the fact that is groundbreakking, sharp, topical literature on the revolicktion. Of course, you may not see it that way but who's counting.

Winning Isn't Normal

For me at least. But this time I have won. Haha! Get me! You may remember that I entered a competition a little while ago, to make Mrs Duck laugh. Well it seems I made the old girl giggle quite a bit, as I won first place. So a copy of Roger Mellie's wonderful and inspired new edition of the PROFANISAURUS is currently winging it's way to me. For those of you wondering what made Mrs Duck laugh so, wonder no more as here is the winning entry. Be warned it's quite long but apparently worth a read.

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[::..The Dog Lady..::]

The age of fifteen was a very important one for me. I was nearly allowed to buy cigarettes without breaking the law, I had my first ‘proper’ girlfriend and I moved house for the first time in my life. Being fifteen, I didn’t know much about the house moving lark, but luckily my mum was in control of that so I only had minimal stress from the whole operation.

We moved into a quaint end terrace in a (semi) desirable area of my home town, Whitefield. With my two brothers having recently left home to go to university, I had first choice in bedrooms, and being a fifteen year old rebellious type I chose to set up shop in the cellar. Although it had no windows it was extremely comfortable and was big enough for a double bed. Bear in mind I had my first ‘proper’ girlfriend at this stage and so had high hopes for this bed.

After the excitement of the move I was straight to sleep on my first night. It was absolutely pitch black in that cellar, an unforseen bonus of having no windows, and I slept like… well, like a knackered fifteen year old in a pitch black room on a questionably comfortable, but very large, bed.

I wasn’t sure if I was having a nightmare or what, but suddenly I was wide awake. I couldn’t tell what time of day or night it was but, as I was convinced the end of the world was nigh, it didn’t really matter. Coming from somewhere was a noise that could only be described as a jackal being raped by the Hound of the Baskervilles whilst running repeatedly up and down a flight of stairs. I fell up my concrete staircase and burst through my door to be greeted by my mum’s horrified face. Horrified as I’m not a pretty sight first thing in the morning but also because she was hearing the same thing I was.

After much deliberation and investigation all became clear. Our new neighbour, Lynda, was something of a dog lover, and worked shifts in a nursing home. This explained why we were only allowed to view the house at certain times before buying and possibly why the devious gits that lived there before us had wanted out. Lynda had eleven dogs at this stage. All were mongrels and all did stink. However, having just moved there we couldn’t do much about it so we lived with it.

For two years we lived with it and by now I was seventeen. In those two years certain things came to light concerning Lynda and, it has to be said, just how mad she was. Every morning breakfast would be cooked for the dogs (or her ‘children’ as she referred to them). Eggs and bacon usually, slopped onto the kitchen floor. Whilst working her shifts at the nursing home, Lynda would lock up her dogs for twelve hours in her two up two down terrace. As dogs do they would relieve themselves when and where they felt like it. Lynda would then return home and go ballistic shouting things such as, ‘What have you done you filthy bastards?’ Well, they’d done what dogs do. Lynda’s dogs had also been given disturbingly human names, such as Barney, Philip, Lewis etc. Perhaps the most disturbing fact of all was that none of the bitches in her pack had been spade. So by now she had twenty of these inbred hell hounds running amuck in her stinking hovel of a home. Oh yes, the smell. I haven’t mentioned the smell have I? The thin walls that allowed us to glean all this information also let us know what Lynda’s house must smell like. Less than pleasant as I am sure you can imagine.

Despite the dogs, things were looking up. My mum was going on holiday for two weeks and leaving me to house sit. Imagine my joy, seventeen and a pad of my own for a fortnight. My best mate, James, decided this was too good an opportunity to miss and promptly moved in. We didn’t have parties every night and the music wasn’t on that loud all the time. So I don’t know what it was but Lynda seemed to have taken a certain dislike to us, often beating the walls and shouting nonsense through them, such as, ‘I’ll tell your mother you’re smoking those drugs of ecstasy!’

James and I decided we’d had enough of her and her dogs. So we took action, as any self respecting, mischievous seventeen year olds would. The first stop was the butchers and the second the chemist. Lynda was on day shifts, which was fortunate, and so when she was gone for the day, my friend and I posted five premium scotch beef steaks, laced with laxatives, through her door. Twenty dogs, all with the screaming ad dabs, locked up for twelve hours; imagine the mess.

That night we knew it had had the desired effect. She went mental; absolutely, undeniably crazy. ‘WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU FUCKING BASTARDS! AAAAARGH!’ At which point she broke down. I must say I felt a pang of guilt for a second but then she pulled herself together and seemed to be preparing to clean the place. Only Lynda’s idea of cleaning was as twisted as her idea of ‘children’. From what we could hear it sounded like she was filling a bath. But then the sound of sluicing water told us she had filled a tin bath and just chucked it on the floor. What a way to clean your house.

Despite our previous and momentary guilt, James and I felt our mission had been accomplished. Surely now she would get rid of at least some of the inbred mutts. But one must never assume and we were not dealing with a rational being here. The dogs stayed, and after our little prank, the stench increased exponentially.

When my mum returned from holiday she too must have felt it was time to do something. The environmental health were called in. After a preliminary investigation they decided Lynda’s house was a) the worst case they’d had in a private residence and b) rotting from the inside out. They proposed to gut it and give it a full new interior. Lynda, mentally challenged as she is, had failed to buy any house insurance. As a result, hard earned tax payers’ cash was used in the form of a council grant to give her a brand spanking new house, including double glazing!?. In a few years she’ll probably get another free refurb as she now has twenty five dogs. I realise it’s not the dogs’ fault but still, I can’t help thinking that perhaps my mate and I should have used poison instead of poo powder.

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Suggestions

As you all recall (shamefacedly) I did ask for suggestions as to what to write about for this story. Not forgetting Ben's suggestion (1000 pages on being short... cheers Ben) I might make this a (semi) regular thing. What do you reckon?

Well, that was very strange. Just lifted a picture perfectly innocently to see if it would load up. And it did. This I must try again!

Well blow me down. There's a wonderful set of bobbins! Mercy me, and all I did was nick it. Oops. I suppose it might be under copyright. I'd better link it then. Here we go: a full and proper reference. Erm, my HTML is still a bit duff so any of you bright sparks out there wanting to tell me how to get the text aligned right next to the picture, feel free to do so. Thanks. No Smart Alec remarks please. It may not look astoundingly beautiful but I've sort of worked it out. Ain't I clever?

Spencer 'one face' Moon

Anyone ever noticed that Spencer out of Eastenders always pulls the same face. That worried sappy looking thing that he does usually when concerned with his Nana. I think the wind must have changed when he was taking a particularly stubborn toid.

Cheapskate Frustrations

Having looked around at a few other blogs I've noticed that people don't pay for the pleasure of using blogger (like myself) yet seem to have made it possible to upload pictures direct to their blog. How do you do it? Call me a dumb git if you like but I can't work it out. I'm just sick of having to put in links like this that I'm sure no one clicks on anyway. Go on, tell me how to do it. Go on... go on.. go on go on go on.

End Games

Although still incomplete the TBT (tiresome bloody thesis) is closer than its ever been to completion. I'm just rediscovering what it feels like to try and work all day, and how much other stuff it's possible to do when you've got something you should be doing. My room's tudy, I'm drinking more tea than ever before, smoking far too much and I've been 'working' all day, yet still seem to have done nothing. Ho hum.

Get the Hell Out of Dodge

Despite troubles with the TBT I now have an end of limbo in sight. The plan is to flee the country before my birthday. Wish me luck!

Something has just been brought to my attention that I'd completely forgotten about. Anybody see Jonathan Ross chat show the other night. That Alex Parks was singing her new single on it (well, about 45 seconds of it). Some people appear to think it was a good rendition, but for those of you who did hear, check out what technology today can do for someone's voice. Of course, those of you raving about the about the girl may have a point but in my mind it's just more of this 'churn out a popstar, make a shitload of cash, and fill up prime time viewing with this trash'. Discuss at the forum if you can be bothered, but it's honestly worth a click just to see the quote I found from one of Alex's fans.

Bloody brilliant. The new computer has arrived. And I have to say not soon enough. It was meant to be delivered on Wednesday but imagine my dismay when it didn't show. Boo. But then today it did show up. So I've been wasting away infront of it pretty much all day. Sad bastard? Well that may be but I do enjoy it so leave me be. Office will be installed this evening and then the dreaded thesis can be kicked into touch. Oh the joy that will give me.

Competition

As you know, I entered Scaryduck's competition the other day. I chose the form of a short story to tickle Mrs Duck's ribs. So I've sent it off to him (I think, but the dodgy old computer was acting very strangely prior to its demise) and shall await the result. I was just wondering if anyone would like to peruse my efforts and if you do then let me know in the usual way and I'll post it on here or elsewhere.

Time Wasting

Proctor has pointed me in the direction of this most foolish game. I think it's been out for ages though so forgive me if I'm telling you nothing new. Its name is celebdaq. It works on the very simple premise of celebrities being viewed as the equivalent to companies on the stock market. However, their value is dictated by the column inches of news coverage they receive. So you can buy, trade and sell as you wish. Sound inane? It is. But I bet you have a look anyway. Personally I prefer real shares, even when you've got no money to invest you can still get a trial portfolio up and running.

1, 2, 3..... Awwwww. Poor Pogo! The guy took the trouble to let me know that he'd (or she'd, actually) come in at 'revolicktion viewer' number 106. Well at least Pogo let me know! Which ever muppet came in at 100 could now be enjoying an all expenses paid cruise around Australia but I'm afraid that the closing date has come and gone and so that prize has been forfeited.

I can sense the gasps all round, 'But I thought he said the prize would be shit?' Well personally I can't inmagine anything worse than cruising around Australia , but then that's me. Besides, cruises are usually full of old people (not that I'm ageist or anything, they just don't tend to like me very much)

After giving Pogo a much deserved round of applause for utilizing the commenting system, I did notice that the mysterious Pogo had failed to suggest short story topics. I guess I can't have everything. Perhaps a clue was in the name though and a subtle hint was to write a story about a pogo stick. Then again, maybe I'm just being overly optimistic.

But I have had a suggestion for the short story. Oh yes indeed. A Mr Ben Moon from Slovenia of all places took the extra care to call me big nose and suggest writing 1000 pages on being short because it would 'be ironic'. I'm beginning to think that this Moon character may bknow me and is using a psuedonym to hide his true identity. As if anyone would have the surname Moon anyway. Regardless, it's all a bit creepy. But my request for you lovely reading populous this time is to barage the Slovenian postal service with abuse. I sent Ben some lovely postcards ages ago and he never received them, not that I know this Ben Moon or anything, honest.

The poll about Kill Bill has been a disastrous failure. Largely due to the fact that no one has posted an opion about the film one way or the other. I am therefore resigned to believing my initial reaction; that it was a bag of shite. Go on, prove me wrong.

As a final note, I'll not be posting anything for a little while....
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(just waiting for the whoops of glee to subside)
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as I'm getting a new computer tomorrow. It may take me some time to set up and piss around on before I can be arsed to write here again so come back in a week. Make the most of your time and do some work instead of reading this diatribe. Who knows, you might even get employee of the month!

Woo hoo! Quick scroll down to the bottom of the page. Not a second to lose! Are you the lucky one hundredth visitor to my paltry blog? If you are, let me know. Because you win a prize. That's right, a prize. 'But,' I hear you ask, 'how can a non commercial blog with no visible source of income hand out prizes willy nilly?' Is it not obvious? The prize will be shit.

However, there is a way to make the prize better. I need suggestions for short stories. Firstly I need suggestions for subjects or titles. To get an idea of the kind of thing I'm after then take a look at the ScaryDuck site (link on the left) and notice he's running the comp. Obviously this is a rip-off idea but he states that stories in a similar vein to his shall be looked upon favourably. So a rip off it shall be.

Get to work my inspirational pals! (that's a point, perhaps I should be doing that too. Hmm)

I've been staying down at Phil's for a few days and this afternoon we have the joy of driving back up to sunny Wakefield. How marvellous. I honestly can't wait.

It's been good to see the bruv again and he seems well. Yet again though I've come to our nation's capital and done bugger all in the way of site seeing. Mind you, Phil's lived here for a few years and he's not done much either so perhaps the guilt is misplaced.

For those of you that know about the whole revolicktion thing and mine and James' incessant lick babble, I'm heart broken to admit that Danny Wallace (I think that's his surname) has beaten us to it. His site and corresponding book have taken the idea that the lick was similar to and really created a following. I can recomend his book to you for a bit of light entertainment. What a bastard though. Now if James ever really does get the lick off the ground it'll look like a rip off. I guess that's what you get if you have a good idea and don't act on it. Still I, reckon lick t-shirts are far superior in design to the join me ones. If you're a bit perplexed as to what the hell I'm on about then ask the Father of the lick, the Barron himself. Just click here.

I'm seeking your genuine help now my readers. For those of you who like the cinema you'll probably have seen Kill Bill. What I want to know is whether you liked it or not. I can't make my mind up. While the fight scenes were good I didn't think it had enough in terms of storyline.... but I could give you a whole amatuer film critic diatribe that'd be quite dull. I just want to know if you, personally, liked it. A simple 'yes' or 'no' will suffice. Either use 'comments' or 'contact' to place your vote.

Please also notice that on the top bar there is now a forum / message boardy type thing. Go on, click on it, you know you want to.

As promised the new e-mail alert thing has been set up so now you can avoid all the dross that I write and just look at it if you want to. Got some more photos onto the web again today so take a look. I'm orf to see Goldfrapp on Friday night, really looking froward to that, and then going down to London to see Phil until Tuesday. Also bought the new Chris Whitley album today. I've not listened to it yet but for a preview check the links to the left, I think I've linked to his web page there. Sounds like it'll as genius as his previous offerings from the reviews but one can never tell untiil it has been listened to.

Manchesters comedy festival starts today so there's going to be no shortage of things to around here for the next few days. Speaking of which, I went to the comedy night at Bar XS the other night. Absolutely class is alls I can say and I recommend it to anyone living and bored in Manchester on a Tuesday night. Best to get there early though as it was rammed.

Well, it turns out Tony had drunk too much coffee. Shame, poor him. Should have stuck to the herbal tea, Tone. Anyway, just wanted to point out that the updates you lucky subscribers delete on a regular basis will be changing. You'll only get the first few lines and then have to go to the site to get the rest. I've basically only done that so if something looks like it's going to interest you then you can have a gander but it'll save you the trouble of trawling through mindless ramblings such as these. Any objections or suggestions are, as always, welcome to be lodged at the great looking and technically brilliant (but much under used) comments facility. Yes, it still only takes a couple of clicks to sound off.

For all of those present for Katy's leaving do (and those that weren't there but should have been) can see the pictures in the 'photographs' section above. Just look for the appropriate public album. Oh, and any of those who didn't know, Katy had a leaving do because she's doing a runner to Oz for three months. Lucky girl!

I'll leave you now with a joke that Mr Glanville sent me today. It's very un PC but still raised a chuckle out of me:

What's good about having sex with twenty-eaight year olds?

There's twenty of them.

Hmmm, what does anyone reckon to Blair chucking a sicky? I think it's all very suspect personally. He falls out of favour with the public and then goes for the sympathy vote. Dodgy git. Oh and the pictures from Katie's leaving do (where were you Gareth Moore??????) should be up tomorrow. Just couldn't be bothered going into town today.

*Sigh* I'm still in Manchester. Will I ever get to go away? Who knows. And what's stopping me from going? The thesis of course. The bloody thesis. Both my tutors have got back to me now which is good and they've made a few recommendations. Once they're incorporated (sounds easy when I say it like that) then I'll be ready to hand in. Thank god. I'll be able to see the back of that thing at last. Some new photos on the lomo site. I'll have to calm down on the photo taking front or I'll be flat broke before I know it.

Had a call from Phil yesterday saying he'd had a bit of trouble viewing my pictures. If he's having difficulty no doubt a few of you are (those of you that want a look). So the way to do it is to go to the blog webite firs. http://revolicktion.blogspot.com At the top of the page just below the title click on 'photographs'. That should open up a new window that's green and has a couple of photos on it. Scroll down and click on the picture of Jess that says public albums. Again look for the public albums bit and click on Jess again. Now a wall of pictures should appear. Look at them like that or just click on one of them to scroll through them one by one. Easy

Evenin' all. Got some of my first rolls of film back and have duly whacked some shots onto the web. See what you think by clicking here, or using the my pictures link under reccomended on the left hand menu. There's only a few on there but they're under the 'CITY' section. Enjoy. (P.S. Jess reckons she's good at photography (whatever)

Long time no blog. I haven't been doing very much so I've been kind and decided not to bore you all with blogs of the dull nature (although some of you would probably argue that they're all dull). At the moment I'm back in Manchester staying at Jess' place. Bought a camera the other day in preparation for the travels. It's no ordinary camera though and very easy to get some weird pictures out of it. Needless to say my first roll of film came out shit but I'll get used to using it soon enough. The camera's called a lomo camera and there's a whole bloody society dedicated to lomography. Freaks. Good thing is though the website gives you a load of free space to store your pictures so when I've got some good ones they'll be uploaded onto this site. There's nothing there at the moment but there will be soon. There's a link on the left to it aswell but I'll keep you posted as to new additions etc.

Right, I've fixed the comments for now but they'll probably break again. Such is the nature of computers. I'm back in Prague and thoroughly bored with it. Going to the art gallery today though which should be alright. Cesky Krumlov was great. Little medieval town on the banks of the Vltava. The river stank but it didn't stop us tubing down the weirs and renting a raft for the day. The pivo was cold and flowing (far too much) and the hostel was great. Apart form the bed bugs (as soon as the bait, AKA Phil, left my feet got munched). Once again I cleared out a hostel and with no one left Cesky Krumlov showed it's true face of actually being quite dull. The people make the place has never been truer.

The comments don't seem to be working now. Bloody enetation. I also know that someone left one the other day but I haven't been able to read it yet so mail me instead. Updates still out. Man, everything's broken on this bloody site. Oh yeah, who rang me last night/ this morning? Caused much havoc in hostel Ryba but true to form I didn't awaken for it. Anyways, got to go back to bed now as am v tired. Ciao.

Alright Guys, gruelling trip to Cesky Krumlov but I made it in the end. Had to wait for everything (bus and train) and the metro in Prague was broken. Altogether not useful but Krumlov is a beautiful place. Bloody glad I came here. The hostel is right onthe Vltava river and so swimming is compulsary. Got to the hostel last night at about seven and the Oz contingent were in the hostel. Good to see them again. Went out last night to watch a few guys jamming by the river then went to the travellers hostel for a bit of pool. Worst table in the world, not enough room on three sides and a bigger concave than a fat mans couch. All a good laugh though (although not as good as the previous night in Prague to see Dawn and Stu off.... funniest night I think ever....) Woke up this morning feeling like I'd been out the night before (strange that hey?) and so me and Clever Claire mark 2 (or the Claire Bear that Cares) went floating down the river on innertubes. Life's better when its innertube. Good fun. Right off now. Mama's probably cooking dinner (a fiver a night for accomodation and the woman who runs it is a compulsive cook... brilliant!)

Was thinking I might come back to sort out the rest of the round the world business but instead decided to follow the Oz contngent to Cesky Krumlov (type it in in google for pics) as it sounds superb. Rafting, mountain biking, general outdoorsy goodness. So I'm off there today. Had a really good night to see Dawn and Stu off last night. (I hope they made the plane) and only got in at 6 this morning. Tired but not rough. Good combination for missioning it the hell out of Prague. Had enough of this place now. I reckon the Americans are hungry and have begun to eat my brain. There's a shit load of seppos about. Anyway, off to have a healthy week (end?) of outdoorsy stuff. Dawn and Stu shouldn't have gone home. Bad decision by them but I guess they had to. Still snowboarding in Scotch land sounds alright if I'm bored and at home in winter. Right laters. Gotta get the train (then a bus then a hike.... aw no... am I really up to this today?) Anyhoos, see y'all later. incidentally, if you want to know what I'm doing you'll have to check the revolicktion site as the one that sends updates is dead. ciao.

Oh dear. One of the computers I've used has been infected by this so big virus. Any of you get an email fro \m me with an attachment saying document_all.pif don't open it, just delete it, but I think you'll already be infected. very clever virus. Was thinking about coming home tomoz but decided to go to Cesky Krumlov instead because Prague's shit and Stu and Dawn are off home tomorrow. See ya

Think I'm going to become a tree hugger when I get to NZ. Still in Prague. Might stay for a bit. Decided the philosophy has to be, well I've seen all the tourist spots so now I can just live in prague for a bit.

Alright. Back int he land of Czech. The flight was bloody awful even though it only took an hour but still at least I'm here safe n sound. Only thing is, getting back to Prague's a bit like going backwards. Not sure if I've made the right decision there. Hmmm, we'll see how it pans out. Can't be arsed to speak to anyone in my hostel today so I slunk off to the cinema this afternoon. Watched T3. Quite good. Not mind blowing though. As for tomorrow, well I've seen all the Prague I wanted to see. Might check out a museum or two though, they're not open Mondays which is a pain in the arse but only when its Monday. Nice hostel though. Got in last night and properly crashed out. Might go for a siesta now actually. Toodle pip.

How do. Pretty mad one this. Im in Venice. Just walked into the airport and got a ticket to prague. Just had a quality weekend with Con and Phil (Con arriving eventually after missing his flight due to traffic on the M1) but Phil and his shop have just left. Cons knocking about the airport but couldnt check in at the same time as us. Might see him in a bit. Bloody good weekend though. And now back to Prague. Hope someones got a room for me and Stu and Dawn should be there too. Anyway, need to go now or Ill be sleeping in the business lounge (Italians dont seem to mind if at least one of you has a card to get in all your mates can walk in too! Bonus.... nice one misty.) Anna I hope you got back safe. And Dawn and Stu Ill ring you tomorrow. Ciao Bella

Just checking that the subscription thing's working. I've a feeling its down again. Meeting Con and Phil in Venice on Friday. Should be a good time. Aftter that I think I might head back to Prague just for a coupleof days to catch up with Stu and Dawn again and eat some more troll hand burgers. Right I'm off to do some washing as my whole wardrobe stinks as per usual. Dirty travelling scum!

How do. Been out of touch for a while and haven't done a bit of what the last blog said I was going to do. Instead, met Niall in Zagreb (Irish bloke) and got talked into going to see Massive Attack. So I had to stay in Zagreb a couple more days. Massive Attack were cracking though (Lucy and Ben also joined us, Southampton) and after that came to Slovenia. Stopped in the capital for about an hour and got a bus straight to Bohinj (Niall's suggestion). That place was brilliant. Utterly beautiful. (Stu and Dawn, if you're still in Bled go to Bohinj. I'm in Ljubljana today but going back to Bohinj camping tonight... Sunday... for a night... After that back to Ljubljana for a bit until the 14th... got to meet up somewhere as I want me T-shirt back!)

Anyway, I got to Ljubljana and rang Ben (moon) who kindly offered to put me up for the night. Turned out he was on his way to take Anna to the station so she's stayed here another night and we're off to Bohinj today.

Phil! thanks for sorting out the hotel, I take it I'm supposed to check in on the 15th? Well, I hope's you're all well and good.

Ciao

Alright eeeeeeeverybody. Sorry for not writing for time but I just haven't felt like it. I overstayed my welcome in Budapest somewhat. The city took it's revenge and decided to depress me. Sacked it off eventually though and I'm now in Zagreb. It's miles nicer. Pretty quiet and just better (in my humble opinion) and also a lot cleaner. (sorry I missed you in pesky buda anna etc but I had to get out of there)

Despite Zagreb's bonusses, I'm not sticking around. I'm going to Zadar tomorrow for a bit of snorkelling. Work this one out, it takes three hours on the bus and 11 hours on the train????????? hm Think I'll be bussing it. The bus also takes you past a national park with 16 turquoise lakes inter linked with waterfalls. I would stop but you can't swim in them and I need a large water body to soak my weary, capital city-dirtied body in. Plus I haven't been traipsing a snorkel and mask all this way for nothing!!!!! I might stop over night at the lakes on the way back though.

Despite teh seven sweaty hours it took to get here on the train, the journey was cool. Went past Lake Balaton which looked PACKED! and was kind of glad to be passing it over. (What was it like The Raunds Massive?.. didn't you stay there for a bit) Got talking to a finnish couple aswell, ernie and vernie (i thought I was in the muppets!) who were really cool. Learned about Helsinki, and it sounds a bit like a colder Manchester... haha, still want to see it though. So I got a hostel with those two. It's a bit of a dive but only being used for kipping so that's fine.

Personal msgs:
Con: I need to play golf soon. And I hope you're doing okay. Give my love to Clare

Moonata: Is the offer of a bed still up for a night or two. My bro's going to be in Venice on the 15th and I'd like to meet him. How long is the train from Lub...
not a clue how to spell it... lejlana?

Bell: What's your route and dates going to be down to Dubrovnic?

Jess: You got an e-mail but I just thought I'd mention you anyway.

Phil: Let me know about Venice soon as I can get a flight back from there for about 60 quid if I know in the next couple days about the meeting up viability!

Mum: When you back from SA, when you orf to Italy and ignore any msgs on your mail when you get back.

DNO:How's it going pal? We're going to have to do this route together some time. It's cheap as and you'd love it!

Blah and Leese (and others using the mail on the blog):
Sorry for not writing back and stuff but I forgot about the fact I had another mail address... I've remembered it now though and cheers for you msgs (James the lick has been a successful conversation starter on a couple of ocassions... Let's start the revolicktion!)

ooooh, deary me. One of those days today. I went to that festival yesterday so I'm feeling a little tender today. I only got back in at 8 this morning. Not only have I been feeling than an industrial sander, but the guys I went to the festival with, Dawn and Stu (pot) (both from Scotland), Chris (from Macclesfield) and Ed (from France) have all moved on today. I guess that's one of the things about travelling but they were all really cool. Guess it's just left me a bit lonely for today but that's alright. There'll be someone else to chilll with soon.

So yesterday at the festival I saw Nitin Sawhney and the Buena Vista Social Club. Both excellent. Haha, two Polish guys we've met along a bit later on in the day, one of them insisting that Dawn drank more beer to make her 'easy'. Very amusing, as was teaching them what to say when I say Bo (shelekta of course). On that note the bar maid at the hostel's called Bo... made for several minutes of pissing myself. I got split up eventually from the guys I went with though. They weree dawdling on the way to the dance tent so I just leggeed it. I ended up with some Austrians and sat with them at their marquee type thing until it got light. Then I had to try and get home. Not so easy when you're a little worse for wear, covered in mud and in a somewhat unfamiliar city. Like a tool, I got off the train too early so I had to hike bloody miles. Not the most fun.

Well, I'm orf now. I've walked into the centre and habve to figure out how the hell I'm going to get back and then I think it may be bed time. Going for a swim tomorrow and maybe more festivities around the second and third.

Alright, I'm in Budapest.

The train journey was awful, got here and had no accomodation but landed on my feet massively. There's a music festival here in the next couple of days and loads of good bands are playing. The plan is to jump the fence and camp there for a bit. Need to buy a tent first though. Bennito moonio, if you're not busy this weekend, come over! MAssive attack, Lamb, Goldfrapp all playing for our pleasure. Anna and those, Make sure you book ahead, Budapest is packed! Overflowing with people and not any rooms at the inn.

Just before we start. The links in this blog are all for pictures, as I've still not got a camera, so they're just lifted off the web as before. So just click and they'll pop up unless you're on a clockwork computer, in which case you'll click and then wait three days.

Evenin' all. My time in Brno has come to an end just as soon as it started really. Got to keep moving though. When I first got here I thought it was proper dive. It was chucking it down with rain, the station's a bombsite and the hostel is massive, characterless and largely empty. With the rain pouring down I just looked around the city for a bit and went to bed.

Day two proved a lot better. I had to revise my idea of Brno being a hole. It's actually a top place. Far less touristy than Prague and a lot cheaper to boot. I walked up to the castle in the morning. Lovely place, apart from the fact it used to be prison circa the 18th century. People got chained up in there for life. This dude looks like he's been there far too long. Honestly though, it was eerie as, with no natural light and long low cells, packed to the brim with unfortunates. Then the Nazis grabbed it and used it in the war and there's some remnants of their occupation.

Outside was much more cheery. From the tower you could see a 360 degree view of the Brno. Couldn't help noticing the power station slap bang in the centre, hmmmm! Just as I was starting back down the bloody bell rang and I nearly nose dived down the spiral staircase but kept my cool (sort of).

To appreciate the interior you don't have to be an architect. To appreciate the museum you have to speak Czech. Still they were showing a loop of the first bit of Gladiator (Romans kicking the Teutons arses) so that was entertaining.

Today was an early start (half 5) to get to some caves out of town. An Oz couple were getting an early train too and they'd been the day before and told me what see and which train to get. The caves were class. Firstly a walk through all the Stalactites and mites, opening out into the Macocha Abyss . More mites and tites, then a boat ride down the subterranean river. For the geologists amongst us these caves are part of the Moravian Karst. I'd tell you more but of course the guided tour was in Czech. The Abyss was even more spectacular from above after the hike up to it through dense green forest, with trees filtering the sunlight into shafts.

On the wayback I got try out my new Czech phrase.... Je to vlak do Brno... (is this train going to Brno) it was and now I'm back. Bumped into a lad (kev) that I met in Prague, just before I left, on my way to write this. Turns out he's in the same hostel as me (told you it was big!) so we're off out for a few beers tonight.

Other than that, Phil - I think I'm going to have to go to Venice to get a cheaper flight home. It's not far from Croatia so I might see you there for a beer or two!

For those of you posting messages (mum) you have worked it out right but no need to post them twice. Also, my phone is
on the blink, i.e. the battery's run out and I can't find a converter for my charger anywhere! Not to worry though. As you can tell, internet access is not a problem.

I'm off to Brno tomorrow on the train. Slightly apprehensive about it due to not speaking Czech but never mind. It's only three and a half hours away! Just been for a Thai foot massage for half an hour, as my feet have been killing me. It was rather painful but well worth it. The stumps feel very refreshed now. The lady doing the massage kept talking in Thai which I couldn't understand. Her and her mate seemed to be having a good old chuckle. Haha, no doubt taking the piss out of me. And no I'm not paranoid. My proof is that at the end of it I said thanks in Thai. She looked somewhat embarassed, then laughed and ran at me as if to hit me. When I let her know that I couldn't speak Thai at all she looked suspiciously relieved. Anyway, all good fun. I'm off to Tesco now and then to chill at my dorm for a bit. Ciao.

Last night was most uneventful. I was absolutely knackered so I just went to bed. The day was good though. Went to the market and wandered round that. Haha, right next to it was the red light district. Consisting of one bar, one shop, and one brothel. Not quite Amsterdam. Then walked up to Stromovka, a big park to the north of the city. It turned out to be quite a hike and the weather was still scorching. Got caught short aswell and there is a severe shortage of public loos here. Had to hold on until I got back to the centre. The loo at a McDonalds would have to suffice but managed to make a bit of a prick of myself. By the time I'd got there I was so desperate I chucked my change all over the floor instead of giving to the 'nice' lady at the door, who just sneered and said something in Czech. There was a massive thunderstorm in the afternoon aswell which was actually needed. It cleared the air a bit and cooled the soaring temperature. Had to take refuge in a Cafe which turned out to be really rather quaint.

This morning was mainly devoted to trying to get myself a place to sleep tonight. I think I'll be booking ahead in future. Much more sensible. After trying to find a place miles away and failing miserably I eventually found one about 40 seconds away from my original dorm. Don't know what I'll be up to tomorrow, possibly a proper look at the castle or maybe a day trip out of the centre. Don't know. But the day after that I'll be orf to Brno on the train. I now know about 5 Czech words. If I was here for a year perhaps I'd be able to pass myself off as a halfwit.

Begun to formulate a plan now. I'm going to spend another three nights in Prague I think. Just to make sure nothing is missed. After that I think I'll go to Brno. The second largest city in the Czech Republic. After a few nights there I'll probably go to Bratislava. Not sure what's there as I still have to acquire a guide book. I'm making my way down to Croatia and from there I'll have to lie on a beach for a while. After that, maybe home? Maybe a bit of Western Europe? I don't know. But anyway, I'll write again soon.

Hi guys, sorry to those who have mailed me for not replying personally but I jumped the queue to get on here so I have to be quick. I'm in Prague at the mo (for those of you who didn't know). Just the ultimate, 'arrrrgh things are too much so I'll run away'. For how long I don't know but Prague is a wonderful city so I think I'll stay here for a bit. A week probably. Anna's still here too but staying in a different hostel. Following Prague I think I might get down to Croatia to stay on the beach (if it even has beaches...?) for a bit and then probably come home again. Gues I have to at some stage. I'll write again soon. Bye.

Hello everyone. You may all be a little confused as to what's going on. In the last post I put that I was in Singapore. I apologise, I lied. But it was necessary. You see I didn't know whether my ma would be checking it or not. Anyway, the plan worked brilliantly. Mum didn't have a clue that I was coming to south africa with her. Hahaha! And me being late and lazy as usual meant that I didn't see her till I got on the plane. She was sat there and I walked up behind and tapped her on the shoulder. I believe my opening line was eyup or something equally as crap. Anyway, it didn't matter as mum nearly fell through the floor. Ahahahahahahaha. She was agog for a while then managed a, 'what's gone wrong, why are you here?' As predicted she assumed the worst.

We're both in South Africa now which is cool. Not in the jive talkin' sense either. I mean it's bloody cold. Bit of a shock learning that this country has a winter too. Have to where a fleece and everything. tch. Should be off to the beach today though and it'd just be rude not to swim in the sea. Lets hope I don't get pnuemonia.

Gran's birthday was a good craic. Went to a lovely restaurant and ate like a king (20 people and the bill came to 300 quid. Unbelievable). Anyways, those two are considerably older than the last time I saw them. It's sad really but I guess it's going to happen to all of us at some stage. I stayed with them for a couple of days but have now jumped ship to a backpackers. It's a bit tatty but there's a bed, a roof, a bar and a pool table so it'll do. On Thursday I'll be legging it to Singapore so there's little point in forging any long term friendships but the clientel seem alright. Most of them are here for a big surf festival that's going on at the mo. Haven't had a chance to check that out yet.

It's great seeing Wayne and Jenny (aunty and uncle) and the kids (cousins) again. Clyde and Brenda (aunty and uncle) were here briefly too. Gave me a chance to say thanks for how good they were when dad got ill. Weird seeing some other folk too. Going to dinner at Glen and Corty's tonight. Last time I saw them I held there baby for a little while. Now he's 8! Doesn't seem that long ago at all. Well, I'll leg it up to the grandfolk's house now. I just hope mum's going to drive today (never thought I'd say that) but it's a bit of a white knuckle ride with Grandpa driving. He can't remember where things are so Gran sits in the back shouting right or left. She's beginning to forget aswell so it makes for some pretty interesting driving.

ciao for now. P.S. Bell well done for figuring out the comments this time.
Jess, don't know if you've subscribed yet but if you haven't do.
Andy, kill the prozac'd little shits

Right then, the new additions to this page appear to be working. Fingers crossed they stay that way. What we've got is a commenty thing. It works the same as the last one, and it's in the top left of each post and says "COMMENT" (shouldn't be too hard to spot). Make sure you at least enter a name though or it won't post it for you.

The other thing is the subscription. Works exactly the same as last time. Enter your email address into the box and click subscribe and then when I post anything new it mails you. Clever eh? I'll do the cheeky thing of randomly subscribing folk when I'm online too coz I'm a git like that. Took off for Thailand yesterday and am now in Singapore. t's hot and bloody wet and I need to get out of here quick sharp as its also well expensive. Should be legging it over to Malaysia tomoz or the day after.

London. Haha. Tis an odd place. Very much fun though. Free night last night. End of Phil's financial year so we went to place in Victoria and had free drinks all night. Many an ice cube fight later we came home. Phil's being a lazy bugger today. As am I to be perfectly honest. I've now sorted my insurance so there's nothing left to do apart from get on the plane and fly. Woo hoo. Nearly finished Harry bloody Potter (it's rubbish) and Sirius Balck buys it right near the end. It's a piss poor deatht though. Just fals through an archway. The whole book reads like a film script (if you've read Hannibal you'll understand what I mean) and it's obvious that the money grabbing Rowling is being affected by the pull of the silver screen.

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